F-ing Good Provocation (2021)

F-ing Good Provocation (2020-21) by Jane Chan alongside 20 artists

A anti-racist and anti-oppressive research and essay that addresses, recognises, contributes in dismantling the power dynamics within our daily and professional lives and how they manifest in the landscape of movement, dance and body practices through listening to 20 independent artists’ lived experiences who identify as East, Southeast Asian and artists of the East and Southeast Asian diaspora.

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Some just could not survive

When love was enough

every ounce poured into this reservoir of yours

Access once denied

vanished into deafening silence

 

no matter how much you try

no matter how much you give

no matter how much you love

some just could not survive

 

Yet in the little secret corners in your heart

that you visit once or twice when the moon glows

Precious bits of warmth

guarded by voluptuous tenderness of yours

I haven't danced for months

move

connect

stretch

and write

play

create

produce

and give

learn

unlearn

imagine

and make

do

invite

change

and think

sense

question

know

and feel

talk

let go

think

and care

miss

stress

breathe

and dream

cook

express

read

and love

Yet I haven’t danced for months

And I haven’t danced for months

Senses

I see warmth when I lie next to you

I touch calm when you whisper into my ears

I smell connection when I look into your eyes

I taste bare when your fingers trace my nape

I hear life when I place my head on your chest

Though senses make no sense no more

12 April 2020

Distance

Social distancing for some means stranded with family and loved ones for days, weeks, perhaps months

Some finding it tough, some enjoying it, some a bit of both 

Yet for some, it means not knowing when seeing their loved ones would be

Some say absence makes the heart grow fonder, I say a tremendous test on the hearts 

Many live, study, work miles away

In precarious times as such, complex decisions have to be made: to stay or not to stay, to go or not to go 

The risks of staying, the risks of going

To live with or without  

Staying ‘connected’ like never before

Yet craving the presence of the body 

The luxury of being together seems distant

The comfort of an embrace seems faint 

The reassurance of a grip seems out of reach

The imprint of a kiss eloped

Boredom is a privilege

Boredom is a privilege

Hand washing is a privilege

Staying in is a privilege

Online wellbeing class is a privilege

Netflix is a privilege

Home cooking is a privilege

Marie Kondo-ing your belongings is a privilege

Keeping creative is a privilege

Read the books you have always wanted to read is a privilege

Boredom is a privilege

Let’s use these privileges of ours

To appreciate, assure, connect, empathise, love, reconnect

Use these privileges of ours

To save as many lives as we can

+852 Breeze

+852 Breeze

Like my grandmother’s bamboo woven fan

Swaying side to side

Rhythmically dancing in the air

Rocking me to bed in her tiny single bed

Soothing like the perfect imperfect lullaby she hums

Caressing my cheeks

Kissing my forehead

Brushing the space between my brows

Tracing my hair away from my heavy eyes

Reassuring as always

Comforting like her embrace

Isolation

Isolation at the moment feels like meditation
Sometimes there are apprehension, frustration, irritation, tension

Other times there are imagination, motivation, revelation, stimulation and provocation

Perhaps it’s the universe’s proposal for us humans to work on our connection:
To rebuild cohesion,
Deepen our communication and
Have meaningful conversations

And remember not everything is a transaction